Nothing for Something

I’ve been falling in love a lot in my dreams
I once dreamt of words
An exchange between a girl and I
“Did we fuck?
Yes
Was it good?
No
I was tired
Physically?
Emotionally”
I dreamt of a blonde girl I knew
She was parading around as a renegade gymnast
She gave me hollowed out cigarettes
I thought it was a mean practical joke
I also fell for a girl I’ve never met
She played a wavering autoharp
And sang songs I enjoyed
She left me a note,
“I’ve gone to see my friends band play,
I really wanted to see them
But I’ll be back soon.”
I’ve never missed someone more.

You too

You too

In my youthful wanders and

Wonders,

I found a small sparrow

with its poor foot

stuck

in a piece of twine

it had used to build its nest.

With the fear from capture

It sang out

to the cars

and children,

all passers-by,

but even if they could hear him

he was too far to touch.

“I’m sorry, sir”

I told him, “but

you got yourself into this

and I think you’ll have to find a way out.”

He looked and me

And cawed

“You too.”

Fall

Fall

We spent the afternoon
on the patch of grass
just south of campus.
Fall had come early this year.
Our backs wet with yesterdays rain,
We watched the leaves jump then swing through the air.
"What are you thinking about?"
"My goals," I said
"What do you mean?"
"I think I have figured out my goal in life,"
"What's that?" she asked.
"I want to be nothing."
"That's a terrible goal."
"I suppose."
We watched another leave drift from the tree.
I wondered about the leaves.
I wondered if the joy in their movement
was tainted by their end,
that once on the ground
they would be trampled underfoot,
or instead they just enjoyed the feel of the wind.
I wondered if they shouted things like
"I've never felt more alive"
or "I'm flying"
or "This is what God must feel like,
like falling, like love."
I wondered if they would yell back
to their friends still on the limb,
trying to convince them
of what they were missing out.
I wondered it they would say falling was great
and remind them that after all,
they were called leaves, not stays,
so why want to wait.
I wondered if the ones that held on
watched their sisters dance beautiful
and grew green with envy.
I wondered if instead of seeing
the peace in their heaving
the love in their being
the truth in their leaving
instead of seeing their sweet surrender
to gravity,
they saw the ground,
and were afraid of it's hurt.
I wondered if they looked down
while the wind shook their heads
and if they felt
comfortable to not move much at all.
I wondered if the falling leaves cared,
they had to have known the ground
was to come,
they saw it everyday,
it was just below them.
I wondered if they knew
the leap was to great to miss
and that life on the limb was nice
but it could never be this,
and that weren't meant to wither
they were meant to fly
if only for a moment.
I wondered when they jumped
if they ever looked back
and when they hit the ground
they'd say it was worth it.
"What are you thinking about?"
"About my goals."
"How so?"
"I want to fall."
"That is an odd goal." She said.
"I suppose."
We spent the afternoon on a patch of grass
just south of campus
watching leaves.
Fall had come early.